Self Re.Gaurd (excerpt)
I hide my inhibitions in the encouragements of people
Who secretly suffer from the same bouts of self-doubt
I work on increasing my value of self through
Increases in my mental wealth with
Mental health I vow to vaccinate of the worries
That cause me to question abilities of self that allow me to
Be me...
Mirror reflections reveal imperfections that I refuse to no longer deny
Shattering these mirrors' glasses
Breaking this false image I used to sing for the masses
In search of approval through the power of fitting in
Like circular pegs forced into squared holes
A simple equation of self truth since youth
Knowing who I am yet still forcing self to deny
From this point forward
I am being me
No longer allowing self-conviction
To take a back seat to the contradictions
Of things like
Material possestions
Inhibiting personal social progression
That cause mental reflections
That begin with questions
That begin with three letter words with one syllable
And sounds like the letter Y
Intro.spect
When the contractions are coming less than thirty seconds apart then that means the delivery is imminent and a birth has reached is cusp.
My introspection has been contracting in my mind with the frequency of a woman about to reach 13 centimeters. This forces me to conclude that I am on the verge of giving birth to something. I do not know what that something is so take comfort in knowing the rest of this text that provides the framework for this blog will not be about what this birth may be. Instead the focus will be on the aforementioned introspection.
My memories and thoughts tend to dissipate once I get think past the age of two. At that point I only have flashes of systematic occurrences. However, I am able to remember my introspection beginning around the time I was four years of age. I remember reading an old book that my father had stashed. The book is titled "No Man Is An Island." While I can not remember the book in its entirety do to my youth. I do remember the crux of the book being about understanding the relationship that we must have with ourselves.
As a four year trying to read, comprehend and assimilate psychology is not a simple task. So as most four year olds would do I simply looked for pictures. When that did not work I asked mommy. She gave me the standard "busy parent" answer. "You will better understand it when you are older," said Gloria.
Enter introspection beginnings. That was not enough for me. I still have not figured out why that was not enough for me but, it simply was not enough. So I read the book multiple times until I began to understand. There was only one thing that I understood until I matured or as mommy said, "got a little older." This one things was, those who spend time thinking things through to the fullest generally have a better understanding of self and an appreciation of their desire to see beyond the words. Translation: Those who truly analyze their surroundings will generally know themselves better and know how to find clarity in moments of turmoil.
This from a four year old. Many of us fear our thoughts and hide from them in the mindlessness of the world. I feel fortunate that I chose to embrace my thoughts and embrace monikers like "weird," "strange" or "different." Intro.spection it only means thinking of self.
