Balance vs. Contradiction
In 2005 yours truly started this self-crusade to further expand my thought process and enlightenment. I am not one of those people that have a new year’s resolution at the beginning of every year. I typically do it when I feel it. Basically, if I felt the desire to get in shape and it is November. I will start then and not wait until January. Ok I am sure the reader gets the point so; allow me to transition back to my message. At some point in 2005 I decided to make it a point to be more balanced in my life. Recently I noticed a parallel with this
balance and anther word. That word is
contradiction.
Balance, the art of being equally proportioned in weight and or distribution or having equilibrium at all opposing ends.
Contradiction, of or being at opposite ends, the antithesis or in counter-position while maintaining balance at all opposing ends.
Is it just me or is that an uncanny synonym?
This pursuit of balance has often left me wondering if I am a hypocrite in many aspects. Some examples of this are evident in my life even as I type.
I am usually the first person to tell others that how much money one makes is not important but, then I go to my own office everyday where I do reasonably well. Then I research companies to invest in and search for certificates of deposit in order to make more money. Hell I was the only 24 year old I know of with an IRA that I set up on my own. Is this balance or is this a contradiction? I am not sure.
Then there is this unshakable thing I feel guilty about. I make my own people think that I am broke but, then allow my financial freedom to show for our pale-skinned friends. It is not because I am sell.fish and do not want any of my people to ask me for anything. It is because of where I am from. When one comes from where I come from, blue collar is the protocol. Hard back breaking work is how one makes ends meet. Either that or one gets out on the corner and bends the statutory laws of the h.u.s.t.l.e. Basically, a suit and tie is frowned upon. Hell it is even the reason why I have not went out and got the new car I often think about. I know that is some ignorant logic but, it is reality. On the flip-side it keeps me grounded and allows me to still relate to those who are less fortunate. So once again I pose the question: Is this balance or is this a contraction?
What about women? I am bewildered. I am the first one to counsel a friend on how they have to work through their issues of pain concerning past relationships. Yet, I still find myself wondering why things did not work out with her. I will hit a poetry cipher and talk about how we can not give up on love but, then get on a message board and type a post about how love is overrated. Then there is the whole black woman thing. I make it known that I only date black women and at this point in my life that is the only woman that I can see a secure future with. However, I constantly remind myself that love should be blind. Is this balance or is this a contraction?
This leads me to my stance on Caucasian people in general. I do not dislike all white people. Most of my friends would laugh if they heard me say that. However, it is the truth. I simply speak up against the way the system is structured against us and for them. That is reality. As much as I voice my disdain for the white community I am the first to yell that our empowerment begins within each of us. I guess that is why I went to a predominantly white University. Is this balance or is this a contraction?
Maybe the narrator of this internet manuscript needs help finding himself. Maybe I am a hypocrite. Maybe in my pursuit of balance I have lost my equilibrium and found that gray area where two parallel lines called contradiction cross two perpendicular lines called balance to form a perfectly symmetrical equation called my insanity.
Am I balanced or am I a contradiction?
-Peace-
Sight At First Love
I hide my love poems in her smiles
There must be a special place inside her womb where love is
grown
Her love is the sidewalk where little girls draw hop scotch boards with
red,
black and
green chalk while other girls talk with the rhythm of double dutch rope
The ropes swing in the same direction of her mind
as she uses the sun to navigate her love sign
Born with the sight of a blind man and the wisdom of 100
generations of great-grandmothers the moon is a sign of woman hood
Shooting rounds of truth with a freedom flavored tongue
no wonder she leaves them sprung
hanging on to her every curve
As our bodies make sharp turns
My heart burns
And burns
And yearns for more
Trying to find a way to touch her perfect body with my mind
Trying to find a way to touch her naked body with my mind
Feeling the blood rush from head to spine to feet
To meet each other at the same time
I came the same way I came
I met her the same day I met myself
Have you ever met yourself through another person?
How could people claim love but don't love self first?
She looked in the mirror and saw the universe look back
I wonder if she knows that she glows behind the sun
I wonder if she knows I know no better love than a love between two different people that think the same
Baby I want to kiss you until Jesus comes back
and tells the world that God is black and heaven is black and love is black
and we are the love we search for
and we are the God that we search for
and we are the wealth that we search for
and we are the reason why we sing and you are the reason why I dream
and I want to make
you scream to the top and bottom of your lungs
and I want you to come the same way you came and I want to come the same way I came
and I want us to come together and change the weather and change never into forever
and change the projects into pyramids and change men into gods
and the women into godesses and change excuses into fufilled
promises and change the
mentality of our people
While I hide my love poems in her smile
and each time
she smiles you see my love
and each time you see her you see me and we see each other through the minds of each other
and I see through her eyes and she looks through my eyes and we
find each other in each other
and together we find a way to come together and we find a way to cum together and
we find a way to find forever and we find a way to find the
place in our
minds where we come together as we cum together
The universe is her orgasm
The universe is my orgasm
and we cum together
and find each other as we come together in each other...............
......Only if I could first find myself
Freestyle Frustration
I have not written any poetry or lyrics in about three weeks. Hell I have not even been writing like I should lately, that includes Urban Preafterlife. However, it is not for a lack of ammunition. It is mainly because of an overtly busy schedule. I promise I will provide more consistent literature next week. Anyway, forgive the informality in my writing; I simply want to get to the meat of today’s blog. I am going to freestyle. Is that possible in a blog? Well I am all about trying different things in life and in my writing. So here it is a non-premeditated poem/lyrics for you dames and dukes.
Okay…
Forewarning I never do this
I usually pre-meditate like a plotted
Murder is
What I wanna do
To the pale skinned folks in the zoo
Known as my office space
All in my face
Posing questions like
Who am I?
What do I do?
How old am I?
And what college did I go to
Well yo here’s the answer
I’m the son a freed slave
74 years away
From my grave
I work for no one…
Except my creator
With an attitude
Intestinal fortitude
Of someone forty-two
Dudes can’t match my mental latitude
Longitude is long ways
I spent long days
I do division long ways
And count backwards
Retracing my history in this maze called
Time for random information
AYE YO FUCK THE POLICE!!!
Let me get back to this rhyme
Fest
Brand new
Crime it’s legal this time
A means to an end
Means it’s time to end all this fake lying
About fabricated crime in all these rhymes
Frustrations of a hip-hop junky
With no rehab
Injecting my veins with brass monkey
Lyrical lyricism
Sinicism is what Charlton Hesston would call it
Hi my name Slim but not shady and
I’m a hip-hop alcoholic
Drinkin and further sinkin
Into angry fits
About candy shit
Steroid fits
Homeruns hit
Babe Ruth records
Aint legit
Cuz he played
Before we were allowed
I say it loud
I say it proud
I say it later
I say it now
I say it in a full crowd
Of whites coats and cowls
On white horses with scowls
With crosses burning in the ground
With David Duke yelling white pow-er
To the people
I wrote it
That’s means I spoke it
That means I hope it
That means I know it
That means I show it
Opportunity I never blow it
Like candles on mantles
Dismantles the unsubstantiated
My style you hate it
But respect it
Like fathers teaching daughters
Cuz good fathers aint outdated
-Peace-
How To H.U.S.T.L.E.
Can the financially finagled and frustrated flip into the fruitful?
The answer to the aforementioned question is simple. Yes. However, most of us do not know how or where to begin this process. With this ignorance running rampant like bulls in Spain the narrator of this binary manuscript is here to inform thou that becoming a monetary matador is possible. This is not some late night money making scheme infomercial type hype. This is going to require one to dig deep, sacrifice and use the innate ability that the all-mighty has given all of us. This ability is the intangible trait of being able to make progression.
We all have to learn the ability to
H.U.S.T.L.E (Help Us Secure Tangible Long-term Endeavors). Often we as humanity associate this term with negative connotations such as drugs and prostitution however, being able to h.u.s.t.l.e. is so much more than this.
Check
his.story (the chronological story of him the original hustla). He was brown-skinned, hair texture of wool, a pure heart designed to allow us to make mistakes in our h.u.s.t.l.e. and he appears in every major spiritual text known to man. In short he is constant, consistent and always there which is exactly like the thing we have in common with him. A soul. We all have a soul and in order to understand our soul’s purpose we have to learn to h.u.s.t.l.e. We have to put our self out there and try different things in order to learn what we are passionate enough to h.u.s.t.l.e. about.
Before the text of different ways to h.u.s.t.l.e. continues, allow the raconteur to give the reader this statement. The almighty wants us to make money as long as we keep our purpose in perspective and do not allow that pursuit to become the
soul purpose of our h.u.s.t.l.e.
We all have a natural ability or abilities at which we excel more so than our brethren.
If one has a passion for the arts then pursue it. Of course this is easier said than done but, once again this will not be easy. Find a location that allows one to display this talent for free. Get out and talk to other people. Spoken word, rap or singing: then find a weekly venue. Every major city has at least one. If you are not in a major city then find one. Art, photography or web/graphic design: then give your work away for free and build a buzz. Work a day job to get by until the buzz is strong enough to make that your business. If writing is your love: then learn to write query letters. Find publications that are seeking writers. Use the internet because it has a low cost and has more daily viewers than any other entity in the world excluding television. Write that novel or those short stories. Do not allow a nine to five to stop that progression.
If one has a passion for empirical numbers then pursue it. In order to do this money is necessary so sacrifice is a must. Wait on the new handbag and outfit. Save that money. Avoid a car note if possible by outright purchasing a used vehicle. If one cannot avoid a note then purchase a vehicle that is two to three years old. A car depreciates the most in value during its first three years. That means avoid purchasing depreciable items. Stick to things that have great odds of increasing in value. Things like stocks, mutual funds, bonds, certificates of deposit (CD), individual retirement accounts (IRA), real estate, small businesses and 401k accounts if one’s place of employment has that option. Do the research find out how all of these things work. After all, libraries and the internet are free.
All of these things are possible for any of us even the homeless. Anyone can recover from a bad situation so no excuses are allowed. The world's most intelligent person is a paraplegic. So what is your excuse (An excuse is the closest thing to a lie without telling one)?
Finally there are some specific characteristics that a person who knows the h.u.s.t.l.e. must understand.
Swagger! One must have swagger. This does not mean arrogance or self-absorption it means subtle confidence. It means being confident enough to be able to keep one’s accomplishments to oneself when things are in your favor. No one likes a bragger so save the self-bravado oration and allow one’s actions to speak for them self. Trust me if you are handling things people will take notice.
Fear? Believe it or not one must have fear. Fear allows us to be able to think rationally about whether or not something is a good idea. If we did not have fear we would do everything that we feel without any mental recourse. It also gives us strength because when we conquer it our passion and swagger only grows stronger.
Spirituality. This does not mean religion it means knowing that our strength and soul did not come from a big bang theory. It came from a being that is infinitely more powerful than us. That means it can be taken from us in the flash of an instance. Spirituality allows us to remain humble and be thankful the positive and accept the negative as growth in our soul’s progression.
Maturity. Learn from mistakes of the past so better decisions can be made in the future. That is why history is so imperative to man. It allows us to continue down the path productivity.
Network. Develop positive relationships and keep contact. We must surround ourselves with people that have a desire to make progression just like us. They understand our h.u.s.t.l.e. and are willing to help us if they have been where we are. In turn it is our duty to help those that we encounter who are taking steps that we have already taken. Eventually, we will establish a network for our children. That is community development at its finest.
Philanthropies? That is correct give back to that which allowed one to reach the place where one is. This does not necessarily mean financially. The writer of this manuscript firmly believes that giving time is just as important as making monetary contributions. If one only has a single expendable hour a week to give. Then give exactly that with no guilt. Imagine if all people gave one hour a week back. A major difference could be made.
Love! Love yourself. When it comes down to it, we must learn to love ourselves before we can have a passion or love for anyone or anything else. That means forgiving ourselves for any mistakes that we have made. If the all-mighty can do it, then why can’t we.
Love yourself and learn to H.U.S.T.L.E.
-Peace-
Human Growth Hormone
Imagine oneself 10 years ago. Then if possible imagine oneself 20 years ago. There are always intervals in life where distinct things occur that causes change in us as beings. Lately I have become enamored with analyzing time and my personal history. In fact I am downright in love with it and it excites me.
Before the reader comes to the qualitative conclusion that this blogger is ego-trippin allow me to explain this love and excitement.
Has one ever seen a child and then was away from that same child for an extended period of time? Well if so then one knows exactly what happens when that child is next encountered. The line sounds like this, "Wow you've gotten so big!" or "You have really grown!" It usually appears that the child had grown overnight but in actuality one simply did not see him or her consistently thus their gradual maturity appears to be pronounced. This same logic can be applied to self.
We see ourselves everyday. Henceforth we take our growth for granted and we even sometimes make the mistake of assuming that it is not there.
I was going through my album collection in an attempt to categorize everything that I had yet to rip to MP3 format. We are talking close to 1500 albums in which only about 300 have been ripped. As I was doing that I began listening to some of my albums from the late 80's and early 90's. The artists that I was listening to were all rappers that still record albums today or have recorded at least five albums over a period five or more years. Eventually I forgot all about ripping the albums and began listening to them in my makeshift design studio.
The first album that I listened to was Common's Can I Borrow A Dollar. On the album he was rapping in that style that was popular during the early 90's. It was that rapid fire delivery similar to Das Efx (Bumskiggity, Bumskiggity, Bum, Bum) old school Jay-Z or Busta Rhymes. Then I decided to put on his latest album Be. Obviously there was a distinct difference in his style. It was a more laid back with less syllables within a given bar (line) but, the subject matter was more complex and more subliminal. It was more mature.
The next album I put in was Nas's Illmatic (classic in the purest sense). As I listened to it I could hear his youth. It was very gully (gully- hip- hop term for something that is very street oriented). I could here the hunger in the then 21-year-old. Next I inserted his most recent album Street's Disciple. Once again there was a difference. Now 31 years old Nas's style was a lot less in your face and a lot more subliminal. There was also more calmness and a peace that could be heard in Nasir's delivery. He was also more mature.
Throughout the course of the evening I listened to maybe 20 albums and I noticed the same theme on all of them. The most recent albums had more maturity. They had growth. There was a growth in human spirit that was felt through the energy of the lyrics. This excited me to the point that I actually got goose bumps and ran to look at myself in the mirror. While looking in the mirror I tried to visualize what I was like 5 years ago, then 10 years ago and then 20 years ago. I pondered over what could be different. After all, parts of me still feel the same. I know that I am more mature. I know that my decision making is a lot more responsible but my soul still feels the same.
I still feel like that 5-year-old that was a crybaby (hell I would still jump in the bed from time to time if my bedroom had high ceilings). I still feel like that 12-year-old walking home from school. I still feel like that 15-year-old on the mic freestyling at Stadium Bowl (Hueston people know what that is) and getting cheered. I still feel like that 21-year-old chanting on the mic at college parties. I still feel like I felt on July 23rd of last year when everyone came to my surprise party downtown. How exactly had I changed? That is when the proverbial light bulb flashed over my head. Poetry. I will take a look at some of my poetry from 10 years ago. Voila! That will tell me. So I found a poem from when I was 16-years-old and decided to rewrite it as a 26-year-old and compare the differences. Check it:
Desire
How can I be wrong?
When you are the essence of everything that is right
How can I allow your heart to be stricken with fear
Yet still call myself your protector from fright
Why can't I give in to lustful action?
When I only lust for your love
Or is it that I love you lustfully
I wait for you in anticipation
But I warn it is done begrudgingly
What is the definition of a man who waits
Is it a man who waits outside while everyone else enters pleasures gates
Maybe it is the man that never allows himself to be fulfilled mentally
No matter how many women with whom he mates
Hate is the word that best describes the opposite of what I feel for you
While the word wait is what I plan to do
If that is what it takes to be with you
Pursue is what I'll do Pursue like a child running into the street after a ball
Or like a mountaineer climbing an endless wall
So give me a call
Or rather should I say give me your deepest dialogue
So we can converse and I can learn what inner, outer and subliminal messages your body, mind and spirit needs.....GK 96'
Desire Looking at the big picture like a 52 inch screen
Print on a shirt I know the percentages dictates that it will not work
However, I was never that good with arithmetic
Rather I am all about speaking to you in English
So I guess you can say I am good with being a.rhythmatic
With my heartbeat beating Morse code
Lettin you know
Truthfully I do look for physical action
Results of natural attraction
Soul extraction
Fluid subtraction
Causing phrenic satisfaction
That leads to consummating climatic involuntary muscle contraction
That was just a kiss
That description of one thousand facial muscles reaction
Of random thoughts on expressing to you these exact words about our progression
Figuring the description is similar of how to rearrange the letters in evolve
Into love twice while missing two letters
Oh.well like Whodini you're lucky to have just one love so that makes me blessed.....GK 06'Maturity. I see it now. I had an epiphany. Everything changes about us from the time we are born maturity, spirituality, communication skills, etc. However,
our soul remains the same. That is why we often feel the same inside. It is amazing how the almighty made us that way. The older we get, the closer we get to the almighty until we are ready to enter the gates. I am excited. There are so many possibilities that are dormant within me. It is scary too. I am only 26 percent of the way through my epic. I plan on giving everything I have to the remaining 74 percent.
After all, what good is the gift of maturity if one does not live life enough to allow that maturity to manifest itself in our actions.
-Peace-
