Words.worth

Human Growth Hormone

Imagine oneself 10 years ago. Then if possible imagine oneself 20 years ago. There are always intervals in life where distinct things occur that causes change in us as beings. Lately I have become enamored with analyzing time and my personal history. In fact I am downright in love with it and it excites me.

Before the reader comes to the qualitative conclusion that this blogger is ego-trippin allow me to explain this love and excitement.

Has one ever seen a child and then was away from that same child for an extended period of time? Well if so then one knows exactly what happens when that child is next encountered. The line sounds like this, "Wow you've gotten so big!" or "You have really grown!" It usually appears that the child had grown overnight but in actuality one simply did not see him or her consistently thus their gradual maturity appears to be pronounced. This same logic can be applied to self.

We see ourselves everyday. Henceforth we take our growth for granted and we even sometimes make the mistake of assuming that it is not there.

I was going through my album collection in an attempt to categorize everything that I had yet to rip to MP3 format. We are talking close to 1500 albums in which only about 300 have been ripped. As I was doing that I began listening to some of my albums from the late 80's and early 90's. The artists that I was listening to were all rappers that still record albums today or have recorded at least five albums over a period five or more years. Eventually I forgot all about ripping the albums and began listening to them in my makeshift design studio.

The first album that I listened to was Common's Can I Borrow A Dollar. On the album he was rapping in that style that was popular during the early 90's. It was that rapid fire delivery similar to Das Efx (Bumskiggity, Bumskiggity, Bum, Bum) old school Jay-Z or Busta Rhymes. Then I decided to put on his latest album Be. Obviously there was a distinct difference in his style. It was a more laid back with less syllables within a given bar (line) but, the subject matter was more complex and more subliminal. It was more mature.

The next album I put in was Nas's Illmatic (classic in the purest sense). As I listened to it I could hear his youth. It was very gully (gully- hip- hop term for something that is very street oriented). I could here the hunger in the then 21-year-old. Next I inserted his most recent album Street's Disciple. Once again there was a difference. Now 31 years old Nas's style was a lot less in your face and a lot more subliminal. There was also more calmness and a peace that could be heard in Nasir's delivery. He was also more mature.

Throughout the course of the evening I listened to maybe 20 albums and I noticed the same theme on all of them. The most recent albums had more maturity. They had growth. There was a growth in human spirit that was felt through the energy of the lyrics. This excited me to the point that I actually got goose bumps and ran to look at myself in the mirror. While looking in the mirror I tried to visualize what I was like 5 years ago, then 10 years ago and then 20 years ago. I pondered over what could be different. After all, parts of me still feel the same. I know that I am more mature. I know that my decision making is a lot more responsible but my soul still feels the same.

I still feel like that 5-year-old that was a crybaby (hell I would still jump in the bed from time to time if my bedroom had high ceilings). I still feel like that 12-year-old walking home from school. I still feel like that 15-year-old on the mic freestyling at Stadium Bowl (Hueston people know what that is) and getting cheered. I still feel like that 21-year-old chanting on the mic at college parties. I still feel like I felt on July 23rd of last year when everyone came to my surprise party downtown. How exactly had I changed? That is when the proverbial light bulb flashed over my head. Poetry. I will take a look at some of my poetry from 10 years ago. Voila! That will tell me. So I found a poem from when I was 16-years-old and decided to rewrite it as a 26-year-old and compare the differences. Check it:

Desire

How can I be wrong?
When you are the essence of everything that is right
How can I allow your heart to be stricken with fear
Yet still call myself your protector from fright
Why can't I give in to lustful action?
When I only lust for your love
Or is it that I love you lustfully
I wait for you in anticipation
But I warn it is done begrudgingly
What is the definition of a man who waits
Is it a man who waits outside while everyone else enters pleasures gates
Maybe it is the man that never allows himself to be fulfilled mentally
No matter how many women with whom he mates
Hate is the word that best describes the opposite of what I feel for you
While the word wait is what I plan to do
If that is what it takes to be with you
Pursue is what I'll do Pursue like a child running into the street after a ball
Or like a mountaineer climbing an endless wall
So give me a call
Or rather should I say give me your deepest dialogue
So we can converse and I can learn what inner, outer and subliminal messages your body, mind and spirit needs.....GK 96'

Desire

Looking at the big picture like a 52 inch screen
Print on a shirt I know the percentages dictates that it will not work
However, I was never that good with arithmetic
Rather I am all about speaking to you in English
So I guess you can say I am good with being a.rhythmatic
With my heartbeat beating Morse code
Lettin you know
Truthfully I do look for physical action
Results of natural attraction
Soul extraction
Fluid subtraction
Causing phrenic satisfaction
That leads to consummating climatic involuntary muscle contraction
That was just a kiss
That description of one thousand facial muscles reaction
Of random thoughts on expressing to you these exact words about our progression
Figuring the description is similar of how to rearrange the letters in evolve
Into love twice while missing two letters
Oh.well like Whodini you're lucky to have just one love so that makes me blessed.....GK 06'

Maturity. I see it now. I had an epiphany. Everything changes about us from the time we are born maturity, spirituality, communication skills, etc. However, our soul remains the same. That is why we often feel the same inside. It is amazing how the almighty made us that way. The older we get, the closer we get to the almighty until we are ready to enter the gates. I am excited. There are so many possibilities that are dormant within me. It is scary too. I am only 26 percent of the way through my epic. I plan on giving everything I have to the remaining 74 percent.

After all, what good is the gift of maturity if one does not live life enough to allow that maturity to manifest itself in our actions.

-Peace-

posted by Words.worth @ 12:21 PM