Words.worth

Balance vs. Contradiction

In 2005 yours truly started this self-crusade to further expand my thought process and enlightenment. I am not one of those people that have a new year’s resolution at the beginning of every year. I typically do it when I feel it. Basically, if I felt the desire to get in shape and it is November. I will start then and not wait until January. Ok I am sure the reader gets the point so; allow me to transition back to my message. At some point in 2005 I decided to make it a point to be more balanced in my life. Recently I noticed a parallel with this balance and anther word. That word is contradiction.

Balance, the art of being equally proportioned in weight and or distribution or having equilibrium at all opposing ends.

Contradiction, of or being at opposite ends, the antithesis or in counter-position while maintaining balance at all opposing ends.

Is it just me or is that an uncanny synonym?

This pursuit of balance has often left me wondering if I am a hypocrite in many aspects. Some examples of this are evident in my life even as I type.

I am usually the first person to tell others that how much money one makes is not important but, then I go to my own office everyday where I do reasonably well. Then I research companies to invest in and search for certificates of deposit in order to make more money. Hell I was the only 24 year old I know of with an IRA that I set up on my own. Is this balance or is this a contradiction? I am not sure.

Then there is this unshakable thing I feel guilty about. I make my own people think that I am broke but, then allow my financial freedom to show for our pale-skinned friends. It is not because I am sell.fish and do not want any of my people to ask me for anything. It is because of where I am from. When one comes from where I come from, blue collar is the protocol. Hard back breaking work is how one makes ends meet. Either that or one gets out on the corner and bends the statutory laws of the h.u.s.t.l.e. Basically, a suit and tie is frowned upon. Hell it is even the reason why I have not went out and got the new car I often think about. I know that is some ignorant logic but, it is reality. On the flip-side it keeps me grounded and allows me to still relate to those who are less fortunate. So once again I pose the question: Is this balance or is this a contraction?

What about women? I am bewildered. I am the first one to counsel a friend on how they have to work through their issues of pain concerning past relationships. Yet, I still find myself wondering why things did not work out with her. I will hit a poetry cipher and talk about how we can not give up on love but, then get on a message board and type a post about how love is overrated. Then there is the whole black woman thing. I make it known that I only date black women and at this point in my life that is the only woman that I can see a secure future with. However, I constantly remind myself that love should be blind. Is this balance or is this a contraction?

This leads me to my stance on Caucasian people in general. I do not dislike all white people. Most of my friends would laugh if they heard me say that. However, it is the truth. I simply speak up against the way the system is structured against us and for them. That is reality. As much as I voice my disdain for the white community I am the first to yell that our empowerment begins within each of us. I guess that is why I went to a predominantly white University. Is this balance or is this a contraction?

Maybe the narrator of this internet manuscript needs help finding himself. Maybe I am a hypocrite. Maybe in my pursuit of balance I have lost my equilibrium and found that gray area where two parallel lines called contradiction cross two perpendicular lines called balance to form a perfectly symmetrical equation called my insanity.

Am I balanced or am I a contradiction?

-Peace-

posted by Words.worth @ 11:51 PM